As I sat and watched that sunset on my final day of 28, I felt overwhelmed.
The last 365 days have been a roller coaster — 28 was for sure one of my most emotionally wild rides around the sun.
It was both rewarding, and punishing. Stressful, and blissful.
It was painful, yet rewarding.
It was chaos, but so stagnant.
I had major, super duper uncomfortable growing pains…the entire freaking year. But I learned a lot about myself and gained some major life insights so figured I would share.
Turning 28 kicked off by not hearing from two of my best friends on my birthday. Each of whom I had drifted away from for our various disagreements/miscommunications/misunderstandings in life, so each of whom I expected to hear from because I mean, I get being stubborn because I am, but what better day to break the ice than a birthday? And mine comes first…so…
I was wrong.
Let that be my first lesson of 28. People are not like you, and they are not even who you think they are, so stop having expectations. They likely don’t even know who they are, so how could you know who they are?! We don’t think the same. We don’t all have the same values. We don’t and won’t understand everyone else…sometimes, we can’t even understand ourselves. Let’s just acknowledge and accept that.
Second major lesson of 28 was that what you assume to be true regarding preconceived ideas and perceptions can slap you in the face and say, YOU DUMBASS. I literally took a Lyft ride that unexpectedly changed my life for the better. It’s really a lot to get into but I will say this much: I have spent YEARS on self-help and improvement working through my past and my hangups and I have never made as much progress as I did with just one conversation with this man (and we had many in the time we communicated). If you know me, you know I don’t go out of my way to talk to strangers about personal shit (always a hi and a smile but never personal shit), much less a stranger male…in LA (note: my past and hangups didn’t appear out of thin air). But from the moment I got in the car with this guy, open floodgates. Word vomit everywhere. And as if one ride to the ice cream shop post photo shoot wasn’t enough, he ironically picked us up AGAIN on a busy night in West Hollywood. So there’s that force to be reckoned with. It could have been that I fell down a flight of stairs that day…or that I broke a photographer’s Polaroid camera because I fell on my way back from grabbing it for them and then I rush ordered one and they shipped an empty box…or it could have been the 3 glasses of wine I consumed at dinner….but whatever it was…..here was this man who on any given “typical” day in my life, I would have said “Hello” to so as not to be rude…felt slightly uncomfortable, and said “Have a great day! Thank you” as I exited. Instead, I word vomited, we kept in touch, and five minutes into our first phone conversation he shined light on some of my darkest parts that through ALL of my efforts and self help bullshit, I have been too blind to see. He was one of the brightest lights in my life and I will always remember what power he had on my soul.
So I guess there are several lessons in that one. The one I mentioned, plus don’t ever grab a photographer’s camera for them, and as soon as you STOP looking for something, it is more likely to present itself.
Snakes are for sure in your corner, right below your nose, and in fact, are likely feeding off your soul and your sunshine. That’s not a new lesson, but clearly I needed to be reminded of it this year. Don’t invest in others more than you invest in yourself. You will be disappointed and you will be reminded x10 that life is far as hell from fair. Some lost souls will use you strictly for personal gains and reveal their true venomous colors in the process. Unfortunately, the reveal never comes soon enough and gets excused too long.
Fast forward to these next life lessons. Listen to your gut. Pay attention. Every single month my stomach hurt when I saw my $700 car payment. But I ignored it. Until the universe said LISTEN LAUREN, I’VE FREAKING HAD IT WITH YOUR CARELESSNESS — WAKE UP AND PAY ATTENTION. Insert a 6 sneeze back to back sneezing attack here (but keep in mind that normally I forget how to sneeze and so each one is a mental process) followed by a car accident with the car in front of you and the guard rail. Had I done something about the payment when I should have, I 100% believe this wouldn’t have happened to me. But I didn’t, so it did. Second lesson from this single said event: make sure you have rental car coverage on your car insurance policy because if you’re like me, you won’t have it and won’t know so until you total your car and always buy GAP Insurance when you buy a new car.
I know, I am getting all DADDY on you…
I’d like to say that I have a lesson about the worst case of flu/food poisoning (still unsure what it was) that I have ever had…except it was so brutal that I don’t think I took away anything. Except, it’s actually physically possible to have shit coming out of every orifice of your body if sick enough. YES, it’s actually a thing to have to decide whether you are going to sit or kneel first and either order of operation, in this case, sucks JUST as bad as the other. I missed the first wedding I have ever had to miss in my 7 year makeup career because of this, but I sent coverage and she was as happy as can be.
Buying top-tier Michelins twice in three months is really expensive and p.s. insurance only gives you $100 total for all new tires when your car is totaled. When they cost $1200, I kinda just wanna say keep the change.
Stop doing what doesn’t make you happy! Literally. Even if you have $4,000 worth of bills each month, if your job makes you feel a certain type of way, stop! If your partner makes you feel a certain type of way, leave! If you hate something, change it! Life is way too short, and we have way too much power over our own destiny to stay stuck, feeling miserable.
If you stop doing what makes you unhappy, you tell the universe you’re ready and making space for something that does! Make space to manifest the best!
When there is shit in our lives, it has to get SUPER uncomfortable before it can ever get better. Just remember that.
Practicing Kundalini is fucking powerful and I am so forever grateful my birdie recognized that I would love it. It also changed my life these last 120 days. I have never felt as powerful as I do now. I have never felt so in control of who I am and what I think, feel, do, and say. I have never felt still enough inside to not react in the heat of the moment for once (even if not every time, at least sometimes, and that’s way more times than before). I have never been able to make myself literally physically high on MYSELF, until Kundalini.
I feel beautiful. I am who I am. I am who I am meant to be right now. I am comfortable in my skin, I honor who I am becoming and I respect where I came from.
I’ve loved. I’ve hated. I’ve gained. I’ve lost. I’ve faced fears. I’ve embraced change. I’ve continued course. I’ve let things go. I’ve faced my truths.
The past 365 days have shown me so much, but mostly because I have been so open to receive the messages and life lessons.
All 365 of those days basically sent me on these adventures to turn everything I knew upside down.
It was rough. It was uncomfortable. It was humbling. It was hard. (And a few days in Mexico were more fun than fun AF)
I am so thankful; I am so freaking alive.
I am so ready to see what the next 365 days around the sun has for me to generate, organize, and deliver. I’m feeling lighter and brighter.
Sat Nam, and I love you.